Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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