I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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