People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
