shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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