I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
