I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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