For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
