I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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