I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
