At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
