We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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