I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
