I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
