I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
