i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
