the day after is always just damage control
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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