That's when you crack a 10am beer
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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