We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
