Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
