I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
