i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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