So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
