LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
