You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
