every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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