please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
