we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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