a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
