totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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