the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
