who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
