Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
