I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We named our party play list daddy issues
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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