Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
