So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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