OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
