Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
