Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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