Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
