So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
