I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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