in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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