That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
