3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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