I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
