dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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