Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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