just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
