she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
