come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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