the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
