dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
