I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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