I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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