A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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