My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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