How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
