ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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